Monday, December 15, 2008


I am starting to feel AF like cramps. They started this evening and after a trip to the bathroom I noticed quite a bit of CM which I don't normally get this late in the cycle but I did experience a few cycles back and I ended up with a BFN.

I am actually pretty discouraged. I know it is only the 4th cycle but I have been off BCP for 11 months now and my cycles have been regular for quite some time, so I can't chalk it up to that. Our timing was good this month and I actually had EWCM and lots of it which I have not had in the last 4 cycles. It is frustrating. I know it will happen when the time is right but I am so impatient and I get so depressed hearing about all the "accidental" pregnancies when we have been trying and wanting a baby for so long.

I wanted to give Joel is one and only wish for this Christmas a BFP, what an amazing present that would have been. He would have been so excited.

I know it is not over till AF comes but I have just been feeling depressed tonight since the cramps started, so I am just trying to convince myself it is over to try and ease the pain of when AF finally does show up.

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