So Today I started the cry it out method with the wee man and let me tell you it is horrible.
Liam has always been a good sleeper. He was sleeping through the night at 5 weeks old which for an EBF baby is pretty good. Then around 12 weeks something happened and he was up several times a night and it hasn't stopped yet. He wakes up and needs me to rock him back to sleep and just hold him and I absolutely love doing it but I figure he needs to learn how to put himself back to sleep and so I turned to the Ferber Method.
After nursing him for the night I curled him up in his blankie, sang and rocked him for several minutes. I kissed his forehead, laid him in to bed and whispered goodnight. I then left his room and went to the kitchen to do dishes, he immediately began crying. I waited a minute and went to check on him, he was completely fine so I went back out. He continued to cry, I mean wail, so I checked a few minutes later. This time I stroked his hair and sang him a little song, he would have nothing of it so I left again. For 20 minutes he sobbed and sobbed, every few minutes he would stop and I would think oh thank goodness he is done but he would start back up. Finally after 20 minutes he finally stopped, let out a sigh and went to sleep.
I cannot stop feeling like the most horrible mom on the planet. I feel like I failed my child, like he needed me so bad and I just ignored him. I have the biggest pit in my stomach and am doing everything in my power not to have a mental break down. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I hate hearing my baby cry, before tonight I would always pick him up right away and soothe him and it felt so good. I know he needs to learn how to do this but I just feel so unbelievably helpless.
How on earth do I get over this feeling?