Liam has always been a good sleeper. He was sleeping through the night at 5 weeks old which for an EBF baby is pretty good. Then around 12 weeks something happened and he was up several times a night and it hasn't stopped yet. He wakes up and needs me to rock him back to sleep and just hold him and I absolutely love doing it but I figure he needs to learn how to put himself back to sleep and so I turned to the Ferber Method.
After nursing him for the night I curled him up in his blankie, sang and rocked him for several minutes. I kissed his forehead, laid him in to bed and whispered goodnight. I then left his room and went to the kitchen to do dishes, he immediately began crying. I waited a minute and went to check on him, he was completely fine so I went back out. He continued to cry, I mean wail, so I checked a few minutes later. This time I stroked his hair and sang him a little song, he would have nothing of it so I left again. For 20 minutes he sobbed and sobbed, every few minutes he would stop and I would think oh thank goodness he is done but he would start back up. Finally after 20 minutes he finally stopped, let out a sigh and went to sleep.
I cannot stop feeling like the most horrible mom on the planet. I feel like I failed my child, like he needed me so bad and I just ignored him. I have the biggest pit in my stomach and am doing everything in my power not to have a mental break down. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I hate hearing my baby cry, before tonight I would always pick him up right away and soothe him and it felt so good. I know he needs to learn how to do this but I just feel so unbelievably helpless.
How on earth do I get over this feeling?
1 comment:
You never get over this feeling. Why? Because your a mom who loves her child and when he hurts for whatever reason, you hurt. I know what you mean about letting him cry it out though. When my daughter, who just turned 6 months old, had to cry it out for the first time, it broke my heart. But it didn't last long. You did the right thing, although it doesn't feel like it. You went in and checked on your baby and like you said he was fine. It's not like you left him there to cry without checking on him.
This is my first time commenting but I have been following your blog since before Liam was born. I just wanted to stop by and say hello and let you know you are doing great! And my thoughts are with you and your family...hope your brother is doing well.
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