Happy Almost New Year

Well as I sit here and think of the past year I am amazed at how much I as well as Joel and I have accomplished. We both went on many trips from Montreal, Toronto, Calgary, Victoria BC and Maui. That is a lot in one year.

We also found out Joel was accepted into a new program which he is currently taking to further his career, He will finish in May of 2009.

As well we decided to start trying for a baby, this is taking a bit more time than we thought but it has brought us so much closer to each other and we are embracing the journey and cannot wait until God decides to bless us.

For 2009

I am not one to really make resolutions as I don't really keep them but for this year I really want to get back to my healthy self again. In the past 3 years I have put on 30 lbs which is awful and I believe Joel is partly to blame because of his snacking habits that rubbed off on me, so this year I am not going to say I would love to lose x amount of weight but instead I want to start eating the healthiest I can again as well as get fit again. To me it is not much about the weight as it is about how healthy I feel. Yes I eventually want to get back to me pre weight but that will come. I also would love to get pregnant this year and I truly hope we do but if not we will embrace the life we have just the two of us and make the most of it by getting new jobs as well as continuing to travel, Next spot on the list is Ireland, I think we will be going here even if we do get pregnant.

Hoping for a New Years Blessing

Well AF showed last night around 2 am so this cycle is finally over, thank goodness. I was really getting tired of it all. I am hoping that the new year brings us many blessings. I am actually pretty excited. I have decided that I will only temp to confirm O this cycle and than avoid it after that.

15 DPO

and still nothing. I have been having cramping on and off but it is more like a cramping on the right hand side not like AF cramping. Other than that I have no other PMS symtoms. My boobs are fine which usually isn't the case before AF. I have no idea what is going on. I am really hating this waiting game. I tested again this morning and BFN. Every morning I wake up hoping I either have a huge temp drop and it will all be over or for a BFP. I am really hoping for the second but I am kind of losing hope. Now I will have to wait yet another day.

I feel sick today

Last night I completely broke down to Joel and cried for what seemed like hours. I was so frustrated as I saw so many pregnant teenagers/ moms at the mall yesterday and it hurt so bad. I was judging them as to why they should have been so lucky to be blessed when they weren't likely trying and possibly not even wanting a baby and here we were wanting one so bad and have been trying and have not been blessed yet. I really shouldn't have done that and I know everything happens for a reason and like Joel said when it is our time we will be blessed. It is still hard though.

So I went to bed and had a great sleep and woke up really hopeful, which was a little strange and I should have been feeling depressed that AF is around the corner, so I tested and I had a temp increase this morning. Not a large one but it brought me back above coverline. So now I just feel awful, I have gotten my hopes back up and I feel almost sick to my stomach which I think is due to the stress I am putting on myself over this stupid chart. I just wish it would all be over and I know tomorrow it likely will be as tomorrow is 14 DPO, my normal LP length so AF should be here. I really wish she wouldn't show up though. I have been praying all day that she doesn't but I don't really have much hope at this point.

No Christmas BFP for me

My temp plummeted to 97.24 this morning, that has got to be the biggest drop I have ever seen. What a depressing way to start the morning. Now I am off to work for the day, which in a way is good to take my mind off of things. I know I said this last month but I am definitely not temping this month after O. It gets me no where but excited and than disappointed. It is really discouraging to be moving on to another cycle when everyone I know who has tried has gotten pregnant on the first or second cycle and than there are all the people who weren't even trying and even one who has severe endo who was told she could never have kids and wasn't even trying got pregnant. Why is that when somebody really wants it and is doing everything right cannot get pregnant. I am feeling a little frustrated.

Oh well cycle # 5 here we come

11 DPO

I had a nice temp rise today from 98.00 to 98.40 so I decided to test and ended up with a BFN. I have still been having cramping on and off all day. I hope my chart stays up and this is our month, oh please let this be our month. I don't want to see a temp drop in the next couple of days and than have AF around the holidays. I will not test again until at least Friday if my temp still stays up, These next 3 days are going to be tough.

Aghhh...

I am starting to feel AF like cramps. They started this evening and after a trip to the bathroom I noticed quite a bit of CM which I don't normally get this late in the cycle but I did experience a few cycles back and I ended up with a BFN.

I am actually pretty discouraged. I know it is only the 4th cycle but I have been off BCP for 11 months now and my cycles have been regular for quite some time, so I can't chalk it up to that. Our timing was good this month and I actually had EWCM and lots of it which I have not had in the last 4 cycles. It is frustrating. I know it will happen when the time is right but I am so impatient and I get so depressed hearing about all the "accidental" pregnancies when we have been trying and wanting a baby for so long.

I wanted to give Joel is one and only wish for this Christmas a BFP, what an amazing present that would have been. He would have been so excited.

I know it is not over till AF comes but I have just been feeling depressed tonight since the cramps started, so I am just trying to convince myself it is over to try and ease the pain of when AF finally does show up.

A couple options for our Christmas Cards this year, these are the best out of about 25 pics. Finley was not cooperating

My pretty chart isn't so pretty anymore

I was excited to temp this morning and hoping for it to go up again but it took a rather large nose dive. I have no idea what this means since I don't usually get AF until 12-14 day LP. So this is quite interesting. It may just be my shortest cycle ever. I also have cramping on my right side which feels much like O pain but that can't be right. I really getting sick of charting and I am for sure next cycle, stopping after I confirm O.

I think I jumped the gun

Yesterday afternoon my cervix was still high and soft and felt a little open. When I got home last night I had EWCM. It was crazy to see it because it has been a couple of cycles since I had it. Well Joel was already asleep when I went to bed so I woke him up and got to it, it was kind of crappy sex, he was half asleep and I was on top, let's hope the whole gravity issue isn't a big deal. Well I woke up this morning with a temp drop and a crazy amount of EWCM, It was so stretchy. I am still in shock that I even had it, and at that amount. So lets hope we are still in the game.

It's coming on that time again

Well I think I may have O'd yesterday, I was feeling O pains and cramps all day and then today I had a huge temp spike. However I haven't had any EWCM I did have some wet CM but that was only yesterday and today. It seems like every cycle my body gets more and more screwed up. Each cycle I seem to get less and less fertile cm. Joel was thinking this was the lucky cycle but I have very low hopes. I just don't know how the sperm could survive in me with only one day of good cm. Here is too another torturous two weeks. Lets hope I can keep my sanity.

I Love Joel

On Saturday night after a long day of not seeing each other much we were laying in bed and snuggling, my favorite thing to do after a long day. Joel than goes on to say that this is going to be the cycle that we get pregnant. I was like really, why do you think that and he went on to say well I just have a really strong feeling. He then said that all he wants for Christmas is for us to get pregnant and if we did he would be so happy and wouldn't want any other present in the world. I pretty much broke down at this point, I am such a sap. It was so cute for him to say those things though and I really do hope he gets his Christmas wish because it is what I have been hoping for as well.